Decision-Making and Nuclear War
What do you know about the Cuban Missile Crisis? Historians say this was the closest to nuclear war that we’ve ever come as a nation.
After a US-assisted attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro failed during the Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961, Cuba allowed the Soviets to put nuclear missiles in Cuba to deter further invasions. This was in the midst of the Cold War when tensions between the Soviet Union and the US were already sky-high. These nuclear warheads were positioned within striking distance of anywhere in the US. With the push of a button, Russia could now unleash a nuclear holocaust on the US. When the CIA confirmed the presence of these nuclear devices in Cuba, President John F Kennedy and his staff were briefed on this nightmare scenario in October 1962.
Decisions that JFK and his staff needed to rapidly make would mean the difference between nuclear war and peace. Responding too harshly would risk igniting the wrath of Russia and would certainly result in nuclear strikes and mutual assured destruction. Responding too softly would allow Russia to gain the upper hand and could also result in nuclear war. There was a narrow middle ground of being tough and unyielding, but not too aggressive to provoke an attack. Amazingly, that’s the balance JFK was able to strike through deft diplomatic maneuvering over the course of a 13-day stand-off. This terrifying episode is a prime example of the importance of wise decision-making.
Decision-Making and Your Family
In your marriages, I’m going to take a wild guess that none of the decisions you’re making as a couple will result in nuclear war. However, there are many large and small decisions that you’ll be confronted with that will have a big impact on you and your family.
Couples face huge decisions in their marriages all the time. Should we move? Should we switch jobs? Should we start trying to have kids? How many kids do we want? How should we educate our kids—public, private, or homeschool?
Oftentimes, how you go about making decisions is more important than the actual decision itself, assuming the issue is not explicitly outlined in Scripture. We haven’t been given a 10-step flow-chart in the Bible to automatically render correct decisions for gray areas. The key is pursuing wisdom. How you approach the process of making a decision and how you interact with each other during that process should be based on the principles that have been revealed in the Bible.
In this series of articles, we’re going to look at biblical principles in our aim to help Christian couples gain alignment in how we should go about making wise decisions for our families.
Categories of Decisions
Not all decisions are created equal. Not every decision is going to be the Cuban Missile Crisis. At the outset, let’s define different categories of decisions that we will face in our marriage.
Big Decisions vs. Small Decisions
If you actually stop and think about it, we all make a multitude of decisions every single day. Do you want to take a guess on what the estimate is for how many decisions the average person makes in a single day?
It’s been estimated that the average person makes between 33,000-35,000 decisions each day (Source: HBR). 95% of these decisions are subconscious. These decisions include: where you should step when you’re walking, how fast you should be walking, the tone and volume you use when speaking, and so on. Conscious decisions include: what you’re going to eat for breakfast, what you are going to wear to work, what time you should leave for work, and many others.
Most of these decisions are not a big deal. When it comes to marriage, it’s actually quite similar. You make many decisions every day that are very small and don’t actually have major immediate consequences. What should we eat tonight? What time do we need to leave to pick up the kids from school?
Other decisions may feel big, but are actually not that important in the grand scheme of things. For example, “What color shower tile should we choose for our bathroom remodel?” That feels like a big decision in the moment, but, in the grand scheme of your life, it’s really not that consequential.
“Should we move to another state?” or “Should I quit my job?”—those are big decisions. Knowing the difference between big and small decisions is an important distinction for couples to grasp.
Explicit Biblical Issues
Another category of decisions relates to topics that are clearly called out in the Bible. This is as close to a flow chart as we’ll get. If the Bible explicitly says to do something, you need to do it. If the Bible explicitly says not to do something, don’t do it.
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves (James 1:22).
So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin (James 4:17).
“Should we move in together before we’re married?” No. That’s clear cut.
“Should we give financially to the Lord?” Yes. That’s also clear cut.
As Christian couples, we should always begin by aligning our decisions to what the Bible says when the issue is explicitly laid out in scripture.
Gray Areas
What if the Bible doesn’t explicitly address a decision that we have to make? I know I should work hard as unto the Lord, but should I switch from my current job to a new job? I know that children are a blessing from the Lord, but should we start trying to have kids now? I know I am ultimately responsible for teaching my children about the Lord, but should we choose public school, private school, or homeschool?
You won’t find a verse in the Bible that directly answers those questions. A lot of decisions that married couples have to make fall into this category. Assuming we’re walking with the Lord, we have freedom in Christ to make decisions when there is not a clear command in Scripture to do one thing or another.
In those cases, we can look to get inferences from Scripture. Are there other verses that can help guide us even if they don’t explicitly call out a course of action?
The most important priority in these cases is to seek wisdom.
My son, do not lose sight of these— keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck. Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble. If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet (Prov. 3:21-24).
How do we go about seeking wisdom for those decisions? How can we honor God in choosing a direction? We’ll explore those questions in our next several articles.