Editor’s Note: You can read our previous articles in this series below:
Making Wise Family Decisions
Who is Ultimately Responsible for Family Decisions?
As we’ve explored family decision-making in our recent series of articles, we’ve looked at the importance of wise decisions, categories of decisions, and who bears the ultimate responsibility before God for family decisions.
Our goal in all decisions we make for our families should be to honor God (1 Cor 10:31). We need to seek his wisdom as we strive to make wise decisions. Unfortunately, there are many foolish ways couples often go about making family decisions.
Foolish Ways of Decision-Making
Since we still live in a fallen world and we’re not yet perfected, there are many foolish traps that even Christian couples can fall into when making decisions. Here are several foolish types of decision-making approaches.
Recklessly / Impulsively
Description: Making decisions without considering the longer term consequences.
Examples:
- Making knee-jerk decisions.
- Pursuing decisions based on excitement or emotion.
- Not praying about big-decisions.
What Does The Bible Say About This?
- The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty (Prov 21:5).
- One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless (Prov 14:16).
- It is a snare to say rashly, “It is holy,” and to reflect only after making vows (Prov 20:25).
When we don’t take a big picture view of things or we don’t think through the logical implications of our decisions, we can fall into the trap of making decisions that seem to be good in the moment, but lead to a poor outcome in the long run.
Fleshly
Description: Only making decisions based on temporary or physical considerations, with no consideration for spiritual aspects.
Examples:
- Not making time for church or serving, because you’re too busy with other obligations.
- Only being concerned with your children being successful, without considering their spiritual well-being.
- Moving for a better quality of life without researching solid churches in the area.
What Does the Bible Say About This?
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matt 6:31-33
Making decisions solely based on non-spiritual considerations comes naturally to us when we’re walking in the flesh and not in the Spirit. This is how the world thinks and it’s easy for us to get swept away in this if we’re not careful. We don’t need to over-spiritualize every decision, but if we’re always trying to “keep up with the Joneses” or following the examples of unbelievers, we’ll only be concerned with the “here and now” and we won’t have an eternal mindset.
Naively
Description: Making unrealistic decisions that are dependent on everything working out perfectly to be successful.
Examples:
- Always assuming the “grass is greener on the other side.”
- Purchasing a home you can’t afford while hoping that you’ll eventually figure out a way to make more money.
- Investing in get-rich quick schemes.
- Blindly trusting people who have already shown themselves to be untrustworthy multiple times.
What Does the Bible Say About This?
- The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps (Prov 14:15).
- The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge (Prov 14:18).
Making big decisions hoping that everything will work out perfectly while ignoring major red flags is never wise. Hope is not a strategy. Things generally don’t work out perfectly without any problems. If you don’t have a realistic view of the situation, you may be getting yourself and your family into unwise situations. You should hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
Passively
Description: Avoiding decisions and always letting outcomes happen naturally.
Examples:
- Always doing what is easiest, even if it isn’t wise or right for your family.
- Avoiding making big decisions, because they’re too hard.
- Being reactive and not proactive in your decision making.
What Does the Bible Say About This?
The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.
Prov 13:4
I’m naturally a very laid back person. When my wife and I first got married, I was proactive about some things, like our spiritual development or finances, but I was reactive to a lot of things. My wife is naturally more action-oriented than I am, so it drove her nuts that I wasn’t proactively addressing house issues.
For many guys, passivity is their default setting. Some of this comes from laziness, some of this comes from apathy. Not wanting to put in the work to make decisions or not caring enough to address an issue is a form of this. Being in reactive mode is bad for your family.
We’ve just started to unpack the list of unwise ways of decision-making, but to keep this from becoming a long missive, we’ll pick up our list in our next article.