Marriage is an institution that predates the fall. God gave marriage to humankind because it was not good for the man to be alone (Gen 2:18). Eve’s creation sparked the first manifestation of an affection that many future men would share: the joy of companionship (see Gen 2:22-23).
Scripture explains that marriage is a covenant that God does not want dissolved flippantly (Mal 2:14; Matt 19:6). But Scripture does not stop there. The Bible is full of passages that teach us about what God desires for Christian marriages.
The Necessity of the Local Church
Believers can read about marriage roles (Eph 5:22-33) or how to love properly (1 Cor 13:1-8a). Such biblical study should not happen without the local church, specifically, among more mature members who are able to teach younger believers how to walk in faith in obedience to God’s Word (Titus 2:1-8; Heb 10:24-25). Premarital counseling is a way to accomplish this inter-generational discipleship.
My wife and I met at our local church. We both sat under Bible teachers who exposited Scripture well. If you asked us where the Bible talked about marriage, we could have pointed to you to passages like Gen 2, Prov 31, Eph 5, 1 Cor 13, 1 Pet 3, and many more.
Once we were engaged, we signed up for premarital counseling with our pastor and his wife because such counseling was a prerequisite for him to officiate our wedding. It was during premarital counseling that we both quickly realized that merely being familiar with the content of the above verses was insufficient for our upcoming marriage.
Premarital counseling is a form of intensive discipleship, intended to prepare engaged couples for marriage God’s way. (Funnily enough, our workbook was titled Preparing for Marriage God’s Way by Wayne Mack, which I cannot recommend highly enough.)
I knew that effective communication is hard for couples—I was already dating! But a few couples who went through the same premarital counseling process asked us how we did on one particular section: communication. It was the only section in the book that was split into two chapters instead of just one.
Effective communication is difficult because it requires the other person receiving and understanding what you are conveying. It requires work from both parties.
A Post-Wedding Trial
We both made it through that section of counseling, edified and without much disagreement. There was not much to struggle through… yet.
We eventually got married and were expecting a baby boy soon thereafter—praise God! Our excitement quickly turned into anxiety when my wife went into preterm labor at twenty-five weeks.
The advent of this huge trial tested our marriage. The doctors informed us that my wife would not be able to go home and that she would have to stay at the hospital until she gave birth, potentially for three months. The goal was to keep our son in the womb for as long as possible.
After settling in a labor and delivery room, a NICU doctor came and told us about the mortality and disability statistics if our son were to be born that evening. After the doctor left, we both sat there in relative silence. In fact, we both had not said much since going to the emergency department earlier that day.
Learning to Lead Well
I sat there worried about (1) losing a child; or (2) having to care for a sick child for the rest of my life. I remembered from premarital sessions that effective communication centered on speaking the truth in love to edify others (Eph 4:15-29). I realized I needed to repent and make sure that I led my wife in the right direction: that we would submit to God’s sovereign plan for our lives and trust Him to provide what we needed.
After confessing to my wife about my anxieties with the potential outcomes we were facing, I found out that she, too, was worried about the same things. We both repented for our lack of trust in the Lord’s provision for our family, and a load was lifted off our shoulders, knowing that we both could cry out for forgiveness together (Phil 4:4-9).
Our son was born a week later. We spent the next five months going to the hospital every day to visit him. Praise God, he is doing well at home today!
God’s Faithfulness Through His Body
What a crazy first year of marriage, and what a testament to the Lord’s faithfulness. Those months forced us to apply another practice we learned during premarital counseling: seeking counsel from other saints about how to be godly spouses. Other men faithfully encouraged me to be steadfast and speak with confidence, even when it was hard to figure out how to lead my wife when she was emotionally distraught.
Premarital counseling provides practical training for persevering through the trials of marriage. It helped my wife and me translate knowledge into practice during a major trial.
Praise God that he provides faithful older saints to counsel us. I would wholeheartedly encourage engaged couples to seek premarital counseling from godly married saints in their local churches to kick start a marriage that honors the Lord.