Editor’s Note: You can read the first article in this series here!
Our current series is focused on making wise decisions for your family. In our first article, we explored the importance of decision-making, as well as the categories of decisions that couples are faced with on a daily basis. Some decisions are huge, but many are small and inconsequential. Some are explicitly biblical with clear direction from God’s Word and some fall into the category of gray areas that are not directly addressed in scripture. Across the board, couples need to seek wisdom and should desire to honor God in the decisions they make.
In God’s infinite wisdom, He has created marriage to be the union of a man and woman who each bring gifts and strengths into the marriage to complement one another. One natural question that may come up when Christian couples are making decisions is: who bears the ultimate responsibility before God for family decisions?
Who is Ultimately Responsible for Family Decisions?
Throughout the Bible, we see that God has designed specific roles for husbands and wives in marriage that model the relationship between Christ and the church. For example, we see this in the book of Ephesians:
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Eph 5:23
As head of the household, the husband is ultimately accountable before God for all family decisions. God holds the husband responsible for the direction of the family. That includes the spiritual, physical, emotional, and financial well-being of the family.
In light of that, the husband should be leading his family proactively. That includes taking final responsibility for all major decisions impacting the direction of the family.
On the one hand, that means that husbands shouldn’t be passively checked out or uninvolved in major family decisions. But on the other hand, that doesn’t mean that the husband should be making all decisions by himself in a vacuum based solely on what he wants.
The Wise Husband and Wife
Wise husbands should work hand-in-hand with their wives in making decisions. A wise husband should take into account all of the gifts, strengths, and wisdom that his wife possesses and seek to fully understand her perspective when decisions need to be made.
There are many (many) areas where my wife is more skilled than I am and she can see things that are in my blind spots. I would be an idiot if I didn’t work with her in our family decision-making process, even though I know that God is ultimately holding me responsible for the direction of our family. For example, she is far more sensitive than I am about how our kids are feeling about things. I tend to be more unemotional and logical in making decisions that impact them. Her perspective balances out my purely logical ways of thinking.
Proverbs tells us about the many blessings that the excellent wife brings to the table:
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Prov 31:10-12
A husband who ignores his wife’s perspective is arrogant and foolish. Ideally, husbands and wives are working together hand-in-hand through the decision-making process, even though the ultimate accountability falls on the husband.
The Sacrificial Husband
Additionally, husbands are supposed to lead their wives sacrificially.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:25-28
Sacrificial husbands shouldn’t always force their own preferences in decision-making. They should be seeking to lovingly meet the needs and desires of their wives over and above their own. They should always be seeking the spiritual good of their wives.
The Submissive Wife
In cases where there are disagreements and the husband is not advocating for something sinful, wives are called to submit to the leading of their husbands.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:22
Additionally, submissive wives shouldn’t pressure their husbands to conform to their preferences. They too should be seeking to love and serve their husbands by meeting their needs.
You might be thinking, “Wow—is this article from the 1950’s? Is this John Wayne’s marriage counseling? That way of thinking is so outdated.” In truth, this is God’s perfect, timeless design for the marriage relationship. God’s ways are not the ways of the world.
If husbands and wives are sacrificially loving one another, seeking to serve one another, and wanting to honor God, the husband’s leadership and the wife’s submission will be working in tandem. Husbands and wives working together to make wise decisions will bless each other and their families.
Unfortunately, the approach husbands and wives take to decision-making is not always wise. In our next article in this series, we’ll look at several foolish ways of decision-making that we should seek to avoid.
