King David is one of the most beloved figures from the Old Testament and in the whole Bible. As you read through his life story, there is much to admire about him.
David was the greatest king of Israel (at least until Jesus). He was a wise, just, and brilliant leader. After the disastrous reign of Saul, David was a beacon of hope to the people of Israel. God blessed Israel mightily under David’s kingship.
David loved God and sought to honor Him. In 1 Sam 13:14, he’s even described as a “man after God’s own heart.” That’s probably the greatest compliment a person could ever receive: his heart was like God’s heart.
David was also a genuine worshipper of God. He wrote 73 psalms, which is almost half of the Psalter. Reading these psalms, you can see that David loved to worship God.
And, yet, when we look at David’s family, would we conclude that he was a good father? I think it would be fair to say that he was deeply flawed as a father.
That’s kind of shocking to think about. David was a wise leader, a man after God’s own heart, and a true worshipper…and his family was a mess.
While David was a man after God’s own heart, his failings in purity and passivity had a significant negative impact on his family. In this article, we’ll look at his failings in purity. In the next article we’ll look at his failings in passivity.
David’s Failings in Purity
While David loved God and sought to honor him, he compromised greatly in regard to sexual purity. You might think, “What does that have to do with his family? Isn’t that really just his own personal problem?” We’ll look at how the personal holiness or lack thereof of a parent can have huge impacts on the family.
When we speak of David’s failings in regard to purity, the first thing that will likely come to mind is his adultery with Bathesheba. We’ll get to that, but we see that his compromise in this area started way earlier.
A Slippery Slope
In 1 Samuel 18, we see David becoming the son-in-law of King Saul:
David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife. (1 Sam 18:27)
So far, so good. David has one wife, Michal. However, just a couple of chapters later, we see he goes way off track.
When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Blessed be the Lord who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal, and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The Lord has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head.” Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife (1 Sam 25:39).
Now David has two wives. But that’s not all:
David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel, and both of them [Ahinoam and Abigail] became his wives.(1 Sam 25:43)
David went from one wife to three wives almost immediately. After David is anointed king over Judah and then ultimately over all of Israel, we see his failings continue:
And David knew that the Lord had established him king over Israel, and that he had exalted his kingdom for the sake of his people Israel. And David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron, and more sons and daughters were born to David. (2 Sam 5:12-13)
This passage doesn’t even tell us how many wives and concubines he took on, but it seems like it was many.
David ignored the clear commands of God that marriage is between one man and one woman and he conformed to the ungodly standards of other kings of the day. His compromises in purity snowballed significantly throughout his life.
Let’s examine his most significant failure in this area.
David and Bathsheba
In this familiar story, we see David fail to fight temptation and give into his lust:
In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.” (2 Sam 11:1-5)
This is egregious. David stole another man’s wife and got her pregnant. After much scheming to make it seem like Uriah impregnated Bathsheba, David gives up and has Uriah killed.
When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she lamented over her husband. And when the mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.(2 Sam 11:26-27)
To cover his sin, David took her as a wife. It seems like David got away with his sins, but God knew and was going to send a prophet to confront him.
And the Lord sent Nathan to David. He came to him and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one rich and the other poor. The rich man had very many flocks and herds, but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. And he brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children. It used to eat of his morsel and drink from his cup and lie in his arms, and it was like a daughter to him. Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the guest who had come to him, but he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.” Then David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.”
Little does David know; he’s calling down judgment on himself:
Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.’” David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die.” Then Nathan went to his house.(2 Sam 12:1-15)
Just as David demanded a fourfold restitution on the guilty man in Nathan’s story, we see that David’s grievous sin had a fourfold impact on his sons:
- Bathsheba’s baby dies (2 Sam 2:14)
- Amnon dies (2 Sam 13:28-29)
- Absalom dies (2 Sam 16:14-15)
- Adonijah dies (1 Kings 2:25)
While David ultimately repented and received forgiveness from God, his personal failures in purity still had devastating consequences on his family.
What Can We Learn From David’s Example?
While this is an extreme example, there is much we can learn as parents. A key lesson we can take from David’s life is that our personal purity has a huge impact on our families. There’s no such thing as private sin before God.
Specifically, we need to protect our hearts from sexual sin, like pornography and adultery. Failures in purity will blow up your family. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this firsthand in the lives of extended family members and friends. The fallout from personal, private sin will not stay contained. It will seep out into the life of your family.
Learn from David’s example. Fight for your own personal purity because it will have an impact on your family. Protect your marriage, protect your spouse, and protect your kids.
In our next article, we’ll look at David’s failings regarding passivity.
