Editor’s Note: You can read the previous articles in this series below!
How to (Not) Parent Like a Pharisee
Legalism, the Religious Elite, and Parenting
In Luke 11:37-54, we see Jesus take direct aim at the legalism of the Pharisees and issue a series of brutal condemnations for their self-righteousness. The Pharisees had elevated their own man-made rules to make them equal to the commands of God. They had also embraced the belief that rule-keeping could make you right before God. They said the right things with their lips, but their hearts were filled with sin and far from God.
God hates this hypocritical religiosity. As Christian parents, we need to make sure we don’t drift into legalism in our parenting. We obviously want our children to obey God’s commands, but that obedience must not be focused merely on external behavior. We need to show our children that their greatest need is to have the sin in their hearts forgiven. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing that can cleanse our hearts from sin and can give us rest from the unbearable burden of legalism.
We’re using Luke 11:37-54 as a framing device to inform our parenting. We don’t want to parent like a legalistic Pharisee, so we’re looking at Jesus’ rebuke of their sinful self-righteousness to learn what we shouldn’t do.
In our first article, we looked at the setup for the confrontation where a Pharisee judged Jesus for not keeping the man-made tradition of ceremonially washing His hands before a meal. In our last article, we looked at the first three condemnations that Jesus leveled at the Pharisees:
- Focusing on Keeping the Rules and Ignoring the Heart
- Obsessing Over Image and the Praise of Man
- Ignoring Internal Sin
In Luke 11:45, a Lawyer (or scribe; someone who was an expert in the Old Testament law) said, “Teacher, in saying these things you insult us also.” Starting in Luke 11:46, Jesus will now direct several condemnations at this man and his fellow Lawyers.
The Sins of the Lawyers
Focusing on Law and Not Grace
And he said, “Woe to you lawyers also! For you load people with burdens hard to bear, and you yourselves do not touch the burdens with one of your fingers.”
Jesus condemns the lawyers for being all law and no grace. They missed the whole point of the OT law. Paul says this:
Now we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God. For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.
Rom 3:19-20
The point of the law is to show that we have all broken it and no person can be justified by keeping it. It shows us how sinful we are.
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
Rom 3:23
And the punishment for sin is physical and eternal spiritual death:
For the wages of sin is death
Rom 6:23
However, as the sinless God-Man, Jesus kept the law perfectly. He never once sinned, so He didn’t have to pay the penalty for His own lawbreaking. He could bear the punishment for the sin of others. On the cross, God punished Him for every sin committed by anyone who places their faith in Him. God was fully satisfied by His death on the cross and anyone who turns from their sins and places their faith in Christ is fully forgiven.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh.
Rom 8:1-3
We don’t have to earn God’s favor. We have it in Christ and we live under grace. We obey God, because we love Him and want to honor Him, not for our salvation.
The scribes didn’t teach a life-giving message of grace. They taught the soul-crushing burden of the law. They were teaching that salvation came through obedience to the law, which is impossible. They also taught that their hundreds of man-made traditions needed to be kept to earn God’s favor. They placed heavy burdens around the necks of the people and asked them to swim for their lives. They had no true concern for them, because they wouldn’t even lift a finger to help them.
As Christian parents, it can be very easy to teach our kids moralism. We want to teach them to follow the commands of the Bible, but it can be easy to forget to teach them how that ties into the gospel. They can’t earn God’s favor by obeying the rules. Only Jesus perfectly kept the rules and we need Him to save us. We should want to obey God because we love Him, but our obedience cannot and will not save us. If we give them the impression that they have to obey to be saved, they will be crushed by the burdens of the law.
I have to constantly remind myself of this when disciplining my kids. Just this week, one of our kids said to us: “I don’t want to disobey, but I keep doing it. I don’t know why I can’t be perfect.” I have to remind them and myself that they are right, they can’t be perfect. They can’t obey perfectly on their own. They need Jesus. They need to rest in His finished work on the cross. They need a message of grace and not legalism. Not moralism. Not obedience apart from Christ.
We are told not to exasperate our children. There is nothing more exasperating than loading them up with the burdens of legalism. We need to teach obedience in light of the grace of the gospel. We need to teach our kids the rest from legalism that is found in Jesus.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matt 11:28-30
What Should Parents Do Instead?
- Teach Obedience in Light of the Grace of the Gospel
How Should We Do That?
- Teach the gospel, not moralism.
- Require obedience, but explain that only Jesus was perfectly obedient.
- When they sin, point them to the cross and their need for Jesus.
- Share your own need for a Savior.
- Explain the peace that comes from resting in Jesus.
In our final article in this series, we’ll look at the remaining condemnations that Jesus levels at the Lawyers. We’ll also see the true state of the Pharisees and Lawyers hearts.
