Since his deception of Eve in the Garden of Eden, marriage has been a prime target for Satan (See Gen 3:1ff). From the very beginning, he has been seeking to destroy the sacred union that God gave to his image-bearers. One of the primary ways that Satan undermines marriages today is through inciting rebellion against God’s design for man and woman. Specifically, he tempts people to disregard God’s command for wives to submit to their husbands and for husbands to love their wives, as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25-33).
Thinking specifically about the wife’s responsibility to resist this temptation we might ask, biblically speaking, “What is an ideal wife?” The ideal wife is first and foremost a Christian: she believes that her sins are forgiven through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, not as a result of what she has done to merit forgiveness, but because of God’s grace and mercy (Eph 2:8-9; Rom 4:5). In light of her salvation, the ideal wife submits to the word of God as the source of truth, and exhibits the characteristics of a godly woman as outlined in Scripture, according to the way God designed her to be.
The Ideal Wife is Marked by Her Submission to Her Husband, but to Christ Above All
When God created Adam, he said that “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen 2:18). In God’s divine design, he put the husband as head of the marriage relationship (Eph 5:22). A godly wife, therefore, is to be her husband’s helper and not to usurp his headship. She willingly, not begrudgingly, chooses to submit to her husband, because her submission is an act of obedience to the Lord. She respects her husband and trusts his leadership, and will help her husband excel and be effective in the areas to which God has called him. The ideal wife will submit to Christ above all, meaning that she will not submit if her husband asks her to sin, and she will not dishonor the word of God.
The Ideal Wife is Marked by Her Fear of the Lord
In 1 Peter 3, an ideal wife is called to exhibit pure and respectful behavior. Because she fears the Lord and obeys his commands to submit to even her unbelieving husband, she can win her unbelieving husband not by words, but through her godly conduct. Proverbs 9:10, says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” The ideal wife is wise because she fears the Lord, and, as Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, a God-fearing woman is deserving of praise.
The Ideal Wife is Sold Out for Her Family
In Proverbs 31, the godly wife does good to her husband all the days of her life (Prov 31:12). She plans for and confidently faces the future (31:21, 25), is strong and hardworking (31:17, 25; 27), helps others generously (31:20), and anticipates her family’s needs (31:13-15, 27). The ideal wife stewards her home, and all her actions outside of the home revolve around her family in the home. The Lord blesses her, which is reflected in the way she is adorned. She reaps the rewards of her efforts through the blessings and praise she receives from her husband and children (Prov 31:31).
The Ideal Wife is Marked by Her Love for Her Husband and for Her Children
In Titus 2, Paul instructs older women to encourage young women to “to love their husbands [and] to love their children.” An ideal wife will seek counsel and training from older godly women so that she can be equipped to love her husband and children: by being self-giving, merciful, compassionate, sympathetic, kind, generous, and patient, as demonstrated by Christ our Savior (1 John 4:11).
The ideal wife, as outlined in Scripture, is a godly woman who blesses her husband, and ultimately serves as a strong witness for Christ in a society which rejects not only God’s design for marriage, but God himself. It is no surprise that Proverbs 18:22 says that the man “who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
