If you asked people what the qualities of an ideal husband were, many might mention humor, flexibility, or earning potential. You would probably gather as many unique responses as the number of people you asked. Without a fixed and clear standard, determining which qualities belong to an ideal husband is difficult, if not impossible. Thankfully, Christians have the Bible that provides us God’s very Word on the qualities of an ideal husband. Scripture even tells us of the ideal husband: Jesus Christ (Eph 5:32). Christ loved the church so much that he sacrificed himself to secure her righteousness and eternal blessedness (Eph 5:25- 27). While it is impossible to be perfect like Jesus in this life, men can look to Scripture and his example to help them grow as a husband.
Paul uses Christ’s love for the church as the basis for commanding husbands to nourish and cherish their wives. He explains that an ideal husband, like Christ, lays down his life for his bride (Eph 5:25), and cares for her physical needs in the same way he would care for his own (Eph 5:28). This ideal husband also remains faithful to his wife and manages his household well. He takes an active role in his marriage and family, because neglecting these responsibilities would make this husband worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 3:2, 4-5; 5:8).
Furthermore, the apostle Peter commands husbands to live with their wives in a harmonious and understanding way. This includes honoring wives as fellow heirs of grace (1 Pet 3:7-8). He grounds this instruction for husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way in the fact that women are weaker and are made to be helpers, which was part of God’s design before the Fall (Gen 2:18). God made women with distinct differences, and husbands need to treat their wives properly by remembering that truth. If they succeed, Proverbs 31 describes the blessings that ensue.
The ideal husband is a man whom his wife can rely on, as we see in Proverbs 31:10-31. It is easy to gloss over the latter part of Proverbs 31 as a passage that only describes the ideal wife, since the words “she” and “her” are used in every verse from verses 10 to 31. However, there are specific qualities her husband possesses that we should take note of. He is wise and leads the nation in addition to his family (Prov 31:23). He is not idle, but is willing to take on the significant responsibilities of leadership in his community and his family. Also, we see that he is not a micromanager: he trusts his wife and entrusts the household management to her without his interference. Thus, his leadership does not stifle her ministry, creativity, or effectiveness (Prov 31:10-31). Instead, he praises her for her great work and worth. Thus, his proper prioritizing of his wife and others over himself leads to great blessing.
Scripture outlines how men can be ideal husbands. Marriage in a fallen world causes friction, where a husband’s response will not always be perfect. However, husbands should take comfort in Christ, his sin is forgiven (Rom 8:1). Marriage is a hard task, and it needs much prayer to obey and persevere. Thankfully, Christ is magnified in a believer’s weaknesses (2 Cor 12:9-10). Husbands must rely on the Lord to help them fulfill their roles in marriage.
