Positive. I gripped the pregnancy test with incredulity and awe. This new life had survived capsizing on a whitewater rafting trip just two weeks ago. Her frame was hidden from me, but not from her Creator. This eternal soul had been knitted together in my womb by the great Author of life, and he knew every one of her days (Ps 139:13-16). Eight months later, as I held a naked screaming newborn covered with blood, poop, and amniotic fluid, I thought she was the most beautiful creation I had ever beheld, so fearfully and wonderfully made. Tears streamed down my face as I cried, “It’s so good to finally meet you!”
That newborn is now a joyful chubby-cheeked two-year-old who daily delights us with her giggles, dancing, elephant stomps, and lion roars. As I enjoy my daughter and look forward to welcoming my son into the world, I see so clearly that children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward (Ps 127:3). They are a gift and a stewardship, a temporary addition to our home. They are like olive shoots around our table (Ps 128:3), a tangible reminder of God’s blessing and the high calling he has given my husband and me to bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4) and train them up in the way they should go (Prov 22:6).
Give me Milk!
When I arrived home from the hospital with my daughter, it dawned on me that there were no more nurses to tell me when and how to breastfeed my baby, change her diaper, or rock her to sleep. Her sole sustenance was my breastmilk, which the Lord provided like daily manna in the desert, and she cried out for it eight to twelve times through the day and night, opening her mouth with a crazed expression in her eyes. It gave me a visceral understanding of how we ought to long for the pure spiritual milk of God’s Word, tasting that the Lord is good (1 Pet 2:2-3).
Oh, how I needed the Word as a new mother! I needed it to daily renew my mind (Rom 12:2) and shape my heart attitudes, which tended toward sinful selfish thinking especially in my exhausted, sleep-deprived, postpartum-bleeding and leaking shell of a body. I needed it to see God’s good design for women, wives, and mothers, and to discover the refreshment of walking in obedience to those roles. I needed it (and will need it every day of my life) not only to teach it diligently to my children, but also to write it on my own heart and reflect it in everything I do, whether sitting in my house, walking by the way, lying down, or rising (Deut 6:5-9).
Give Mommy a Break!
But knowing the truths in God’s Word did not mean an easy fight against the flesh to daily obey. In my prideful heart, it felt like I shrunk in status overnight from presenting to VPs at Google and taking global business trips to doing the laundry (which refilled with poopy milk-stained clothes faster than I could fold), preparing meals (which were eaten by my husband faster than I could say “leftovers!”), and caring for a needy infant (who developed far faster than I could adapt my routines).
The Lord had to open my eyes to see that these were the good works he had prepared for me to walk in (Eph 2:10) and that the nurture of children and management of the household were pleasing works in His sight (1 Tim 5:10). They were not inferior, mundane tasks in comparison to my previous work at Google, but rather the priorities God has given wives and mothers to work heartily for the Lord and not for men, knowing our reward is from the Lord (Col 3:23-24).
Have I served my family’s needs today with a happy heart? The answer was often “yes” to the first part and “no” to the second. Oh, how I grumbled against my husband and my daughter as I went about my daily duties! It was easy to let bitterness and resentment build up in my heart whenever I had to set aside my own schedule and to-do list. Baby woke up an hour early from naptime? Grumble grumble, that was the time I set aside to do work for the women’s ministry at church. Husband got sick and now I have to do the bedtime routine? Grumble grumble, that was the time I was finally going to exercise and take care of MY needs!
But that is the very opposite attitude of our Lord Jesus Christ, who emptied himself by taking the form of a servant and humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. That is the very opposite attitude Scripture calls us to: do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than ourselves (Phil 2:3-8).
Built up by the Body
God made me a mother for my sanctification and for his glory. I now realize why Scripture commands older women to teach younger women how to love their husbands and children (Titus 2:3-5)—because it doesn’t come naturally! In fact, our very nature is opposed to it. That’s why we need the local church. The refreshment of fellowship with ladies of different ages and stages, the discipleship and modeling from older women, and the exhortation and prayer from faithful sisters have all protected my heart from being hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (Heb 3:13). Over the last two years, I have been blessed by a weekly moms book group for prayer and accountability, as well as many older women speaking wisdom into my daily life and decision-making.
So many saints from the local body have been involved in my daughter’s life since conception: handing down clothes and supplying us with baby items, delivering meals when cooking seemed impossible, babysitting and housesitting to give us much needed date nights, providing nursery care (with plenty of Ritz crackers) so that we could attend Sunday school and church service.
As I experience the blessing of being served with sacrificial love and tender care, I have been stirred up to love and good works towards my fellow saints (Heb 10:24). Now I am always seeking ways to serve pregnant and new moms, whether through fellowship and encouragement or practical help like meals and household chores.
Love is…the Rod?
The teaching and modeling of the local church have also been essential in shaping a biblical worldview of disciplining children. This is a stark contrast from the world’s methods of rash, impulsive discipline or foregoing discipline altogether. I also held the false notion that discipline started around age five when children are communicating intelligibly. What a surprise I was in for when my 9-month-old started kicking me during diaper changes, and looking me deliberately in the eye while dropping fistfuls of food on the floor. God began to open my eyes to the wisdom of the Proverbs: how sparing the rod is actually hating our children (Prov 13:24), how the rod of discipline drives out folly (Prov 22:15), how the rod will save a soul from Sheol (Prov 23:14).
As my daughter grows into toddlerhood, I am daily faced with her sin nature and my own as I seek to discipline her out of love. Just recently, I detected a dirty diaper, looked my daughter in the eye, and asked if she had pooped. She avoided eye contact while insisting “no, no, no” because she wanted to keep playing. It was an opportunity to practice biblical discipline: calling out her sin of lying, giving her a consequence for her sin, praying she would learn obedience to mommy and daddy and ultimately to God, and ending with reconciliation and kisses.
This episode repeated itself daily for a week, until one day she began telling me proactively that she had a “poop-poop”; her truth-telling was praised with lots of claps and hugs. In the past year, I’ve seen how the Lord has grown my daughter in patience and self-control as she learns to wait for meals, transition to naptime and bedtime, and cooperate in toothbrushing and handwashing. These are small but encouraging examples of how discipline yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb 12:11).
God has called me to daily faithfulness in the nurture and training of my children, but he is the one who already knows every one of their days and is sovereign over their salvation. What an honor and privilege it is to be the mother of my sweet two-year-old daughter and my soon-to-be-born son. What a comfort and joy to rest in the Lord’s plans for me and for them. What a blessing and delight to be called to motherhood and molded by my Maker to be conformed to the image of his Son. I thank God that he made me a mother!
