Joe Rigney’s two most recent books, Leadership and Emotional Sabotage and The Sin of Empathy, touch on different aspects of leadership and biblical manhood, but both highlight the need for Christian men to pursue the spiritual quality of sober-mindedness. Indeed, after completing both books over the span of two months, I was left with the sense that sober-mindedness is the greatest need for Christian men of our age.
Yes, we must be careful not to emphasize certain biblical virtues at the expense of others at any given point in history. But there are times when it is right to bring certain godly qualities to the forefront of the conversation when their absence is largely to blame for many church and societal woes, and their presence would serve as a remedy for the same.
What Does it Mean to be “Sober-Minded?”
Sober-mindedness is a quality of the inner-person (e.g., 1 Tim 3:2). The word “sober” indicates that we are talking about a state of mind where the person is not unduly manipulated by an outside influence. When a person is drunk—not physically sober—their thoughts, feelings, actions, and words are swayed by the substance of alcohol. In other words, the inebriated person is not in full control of their faculties. To be sober-minded, then, must include that a person not be under the influence of alcohol (or any other intoxicating substance).
But the biblical expression “sober-minded” means more than just limiting one’s intake of wine or whisky. In the language and theology of the biblical authors, physical sobriety serves as a picture to illustrate what they mean when they speak of mental sobriety.
Biblically speaking, to be sober-minded is not to allow our thinking to be unduly influenced. Unduly influenced by what? To answer that question, we need to ask a more basic question: By what should Christians always be influenced? The answer to this question is simple: Christians must always be influenced by the truth (Phil 4:8; cf. also Gal 5:7; 1 John 3:18; 2 John 4). To be sober-minded, then, means that our thinking is not swayed by anything other than the truth.
Especially important in our day and age, as Rigney observes, is the need for Christian men not to be disproportionately influenced by their emotions or the emotions of others. Like the man who is no longer under the influence of alcohol and is therefore able to control his thoughts, words, and actions, so a person who is not under the influence of his emotions or the emotions of others will be able to steer his thoughts, words, and actions in a God-glorifying direction.
The Need for Sober-Minded Men
While sober-mindedness is a biblical requirement for all Christians (1 Pet 1:13; 4:7; 5:8), it is especially important for Christian men to cultivate this spiritual quality because God has designated men as leaders in the home, the church, and in society. (It is a specific requirement for church elders; see 1 Tim 3:2.) If men are overwhelmed by their own emotions, waylaid by the fear of man, and paralyzed by other people’s unruly and carnal passions, they will be disabled from leading people into the truth, and families, churches, and societies will eventually implode. As Rigney points out in both books, we have already seen the beginning of this implosion on each of these fronts.
The problem is not emotion as such. Our emotions are a gift from God and a vital aspect of our personhood. Our capacity for emotion in some way reflects God himself, who, Scripture tells us, expresses a vast range of emotions, from anger to joy to grief (Deut 1:37; Zeph 3:17; Gen 6:5).1 Indeed, there are times when a lack of emotion on our part is sinful.
For example, the Pharisees should have felt compassion for the man with the withered hand, which is precisely why Jesus was both angry and grieved at their hardness of heart (i.e., their lack of appropriate feeling toward another human being; see Mark 3:1-5). Jesus expressed righteous emotions in this situation.
Nevertheless, even in this example, we see Jesus in full control of his internal faculties. His emotions of grief and anger did not lead him to explode in violence or smolder in bitterness. He was not intimidated by the Pharisees’ accusatory gaze (and thus unwilling to use his divine power to heal the man), nor was he enraged at them (and thus willing to destroy them with that same divine power). In other words, Jesus was sober-minded. He had clarity on the truth—it is lawful to heal on the Sabbath, and this man needs healing. And this mental clarity enabled him to make the right decision—rebuke the Pharisees with a question, heal the man, and leave before the situation goes sideways.
From this example, we can note three reasons why sober-mindedness is essential for Christian men.
Sober-mindedness brings mental clarity. It is no wonder why James instructs those who are in the midst of a trial to be “slow to anger” (James 1:19). Anger is a potent emotion, and it can quickly disrupt one’s ability to think well. It is probably for this reason that James follows his exhortation to be slow to anger with this grounding statement: “For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (1:20). Anger can easily cloud the mind, disable careful thinking, increase impulsivity in our words, and tempt us to draw quick (and often wrong) conclusions. These conditions are not conducive to producing righteousness. While anger is a God-given emotion to be used for his glory, it can very easily become a stimulus for unrighteousness.
When we maintain a sober mind, however, we avoid being unduly influenced by the intoxicating lure of unrighteous anger. Anger may be called for in a particular situation, but a mind riveted on the truth can feel appropriate anger, control it, and channel it in a God-glorifying direction. This clarity of mind helps us to navigate any emotion and thus enables us to make wise decisions.
Sober-mindedness enables wise decision-making. As we’ve seen, a sober mind is not carried away by emotion but is led by the truth. This is particularly important for men because steadiness is required for effective leadership, and steadiness can only be maintained when truth guides a man’s emotions, not the other way around. And this goes for all emotions, including fear.
Imagine you are at the movies. In one scene, the main character—a man—is at home with his family. Suddenly, several large vehicles pull onto the lawn and into driveway of this man’s house. The man knows why these people are there: they are planning to take him and his family hostage.
Now if that man, upon looking out the window at the multiple black Suburbans on his property, immediately started running throughout the house yelling, “Oh no, what are we going to do! This is horrible! Help me!”, everyone in that theater would know that his response to the crisis is unfitting and exceedingly unmanly.
No, a sober-minded man, upon seeing the threat, would carefully assess the situation, and, though fearful of what could happen, sets that fear aside and starts taking action to keep his family safe. Thankfully, because he has not allowed his panic to hijack his thinking, he remembers that their van is still in the garage. If he acts quickly, he will be able to get his entire family to their car, open the garage door, drive through the maze of hostile vehicles, and likely escape the potential captors.
Most men won’t face possible hostage situations like the one I just described, but all men will face challenging situations that require the mental stability that only sober-mindedness can provide. When a child gets in serious trouble at school, how does a sober-minded man proceed?
Although he and his wife may start to feel anger, disappointment, or even embarrassment, a sober-minded man keeps these emotions at bay so he can ascertain the truth with a clear mind. As a result, he doesn’t quickly accuse or defend his child, or draw unwarranted conclusions about what happened (Prov 18:2; 18:13). He gathers information, talks to the relevant parties involved, weighs the evidence, and then draws his conclusion. His aim throughout the whole situation is to establish justice.
It could be that his child was falsely accused. If so, the father must act accordingly and aim to clear his child’s name. It could be that his child did do something wrong, but it wasn’t as bad as initially reported. Or, it could be that his child did what his teacher said he did. Whatever the case, the only way the dad can expect to draw a conclusion that accords with the truth is to remain sober-minded and not be swayed by his, his wife’s, or his child’s unruly emotions.
Sober-mindedness is essential for truly loving other people. We see, then, that sober-mindedness is essential for truly loving people. Today, we are told that love is merely the affirmation of another person, including their emotions (whatever they might be). Rigney addresses the problem with this view of love in The Sin of Empathy.
Whereas sympathy sees someone in a pit, feels compassion for their plight, and thus locates the means by which to rescue that person out of the pit, empathy is simply the act of sharing emotions with the person in distress. The person in the pit may feel lonely, rejected, and scared. The empathetic Christian will, so to speak, place themselves in the pit with the person and seek to feel their loneliness, rejection, and fear along with them.
According to some voices in our culture, empathy is a superior emotion to sympathy. True love, we are told, prioritizes “feeling with” others, but doesn’t necessarily aim to help them out of their present difficulties. While it is true that Christians will share in the emotions of others—weeping with those who weep and rejoicing with those who rejoice (Rom 12:12)—such empathy is never dictated by the mere presence of the other person’s emotions, nor should empathy be viewed as superior to sympathy.
Why are we not obligated to share another’s feelings in every case? Back to the pit analogy (here I am adding a few elements to Rigney’s illustration). It’s possible that this isn’t the person’s first time in the pit. Come to find out, they’ve been rescued on three previous occasions, only to throw themselves back into the chasm shortly after each deliverance.
Why would they act so foolishly? Because they like to indulge their feelings of loneliness, rejection, and fear. They find pleasure in using their loneliness and rejection to garner people’s attention. They derive satisfaction from feeling sorry for themselves. They’ve also found that they can wield these feelings to manipulate others and gain a kind of relational control over the people in their lives. In this case, such a person doesn’t want your sympathy because they don’t want you to help them out of the pit—they only want you to affirm what they are feeling. They may even accuse you of not loving them if you don’t share in their supposed suffering.
Christlike love, however, is not content with mere empathy. Love seeks what is best for the other person and is therefore unwilling to allow someone to wallow in and nurture ungodly emotions. To “feel with” a person who finds pleasure in wielding their suffering for their own selfish ends would itself be sinful. Rather, this person needs sympathy—compassion for the fact that they are ensnared in such sophisticated sin that keeps them from experiencing true satisfaction in Christ—and clear instruction from God’s Word.
Where does sober-mindedness come into the picture? In a situation where someone is using their emotions for selfish gains, it is easy to become morally disoriented, especially when the person tells you that your unwillingness to empathize with them is an indication that you don’t really love them.
Sober-mindedness is required to remain in full control of our moral faculties in situations like these. The accusation of lovelessness and the appearance of painful emotions can quickly intoxicate us and blur our spiritual vision, tempting us to forsake the truth and yield to ungodly expectations. A sober-minded man will recognize the situation for what it is, assess it according to God’s Word, feel emotions appropriate to the truth (like genuine compassion for this person’s enslavement to sin), and then aim to help the person repent and obey Christ. He will not become flustered, irritated, or passive, nor will he be fooled by appearances. Thus, the sober-minded man will be able to offer real help to the sinner in need as he speaks the truth in love (Eph 4:15). This is Christlike love, and it can only come through a man who is sober-minded.
How Can Men Develop Sober-mindedness?
But how can we grow in sober-mindedness? I will close with two basic suggestions.
First, be aware of the lure of emotion. If nothing else, I hope this article does for you what Rigney’s books did for me: to make you attentive to how easy it is to be swept away by emotions and how important it is to remain sober-minded. Simple awareness of this problem is a large part of the solution. Once we see the benefits of sober-mindedness and how intoxicating emotions can be, we will be on better footing to control our emotions and aim always for clarity of mind.
Second, remain teachable. Scripture over and over exhorts us to maintain a humble posture toward God’s Word (Prov 10:8; Isa 66:1-2; Matt 7:24-25; 1 Thess 2:13). In order to remain steady in the midst of trying circumstances, we must keep ourselves harnessed to the Bible and open to its correction. As we’ve already noted, emotions become dangerous when they are disconnected from the truth. The only way we can manage our unruly emotions and keep a sober mind is by always allowing God’s Word to challenge, rebuke, exhort, and guide us (2 Tim 3:16-17).
Practically, this means placing ourselves in a church where God’s Word is faithfully preached, and around men who will speak God’s Word to us when we need it (Heb 3:12-15; 10:24-25). Let me say it another way: Men who are isolated from the body of Christ will never become sober-minded men. Actually, Scripture warns us that spiritual reclusiveness leads inevitably to foolish thinking and behavior: “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement” (Prov 18:1). Sober-mindedness can only be cultivated with other men who cherish Christ and his Word.
Conclusion
Sober-mindedness is the need of the hour. Men must be able to cut through the emotional haze that many in our culture are creating and maintain clarity on what the problems really are, what Scripture says, and what is truly best for people. Without sober-mindedness, men will be tossed to and fro by the whims of emotion—their own and their culture’s. Such a scenario will lead to mental confusion, an inability to make wise decisions, and, ultimately, a failure to love people like Christ loves people.
Men, for the sake of all whom God has entrusted you to lead—the people in your family, your church, your work, and your community—make the pursuit of sober-mindedness a priority in your obedience to Christ.
NOTES
1 I am aware of the difficulty of describing God’s “emotional” life in light of concerns over maintaining God’s immutability and, especially, his impassibility. Nevertheless, it truncates the biblical witness to gloss over descriptions of God expressing “emotion” as mere figurative speech without some antecedent reality. Impassibility is best understood, in my judgement, to teach that God is never overwhelmed by any “emotion” at any one time, for all his attributes always work in harmony together.
