Shortly after our Sunday service, one of the sweet elderly ladies struck up a conversation with me that lasted all of five minutes. I remember it being both interesting and profitable, and I quickly proceeded to the next conversation with another saint. But as people began to trickle out of the campus, that elderly lady found me again and apologized. I was confused, but she explained (paraphrased):
I shouldn’t have taken up so much of your time, when there are so many people here who are wanting to talk with you.
That, for a five-minute conversation? But this lady, who had been around the church for quite some time, understood a crucial reality: one of the most valuable and sought-after commodities of a pastor is his time.
Part of exercising wisdom in one’s pastoral ministry is the careful and purposeful redemption of one’s time as instructed by Ephesians 5:15-16. Time is, after all, the currency of life. While there is virtue in flexibility, there is none in lackadaisicalness. A pastor who intends to maximize his investment in God’s redemptive work ought to be disciplined in the employment of his hours, always discerning the Holy Spirit’s wisdom in how to invest his time for the sake of the kingdom of God.
This discernment is necessary because time is limited. Thus, Moses prayed in Psalm 90:12, “So teach us to number our days.” As a pastor, you may grow more efficient in the utilization of your time. But you can’t gain more time. You, like every other person on the planet, only have twenty-four hours each day. And, as much as I wish the contrary would be true, pastors don’t have a longer average life expectancy than the rest of the human population. The amount of time God has allotted to you in your lifetime is fixed. Used time stays used; time passed stays passed; lost time stays lost. Time spent cannot be regained. All the more, we as pastors must be purposeful and disciplined with our time.
Yet, our determination to use our time well must be coupled with conviction. There is, after all, a difference between discipline and conviction. The latter is about knowing how God wants our time spent. Specifically, we need to some conviction as to who we ought to spending our time with. Such is the goal of this article: to provide biblical wisdom about who a pastor should be spending his time with. Otherwise, you’ll operate either out of favoritism or the fear of man.
Operate out of favoritism, and you betray the indiscriminate offer of the gospel (cf James 2:1ff). Operate out of fear of man, and you betray Christ’s lordship in your life (cf Galatians 1:10). You’ll be handcuffed, as the fear of man brings a snare (Prov 29:25). The reason: people around you will have all sorts of ideas, opinions, and expectations as about who you should spend your time with. Their ideas not always ill-intended. But they’re not always biblical, either. And when you don’t invest your hours either the way they think you should or the way they want you to, you may receive criticism. And it’s a criticism you can’t escape. A disciple, after all, is not above his teacher.
Jesus was criticized and questioned about who he spent his time with. He was criticized by the Pharisees for spending time with sinners and tax collectors (Mark 2:16). He was criticized by the people for deciding to spend time in the home of Zaccheus (Luke 19:7). He was questioned by the disciples for his divine appointment with the Samaritan woman (John 4:27). He was berated by his mother for spending time with the teachers of the temple (Luke 2:48). He was challenged by Martha for the time He used to converse with Mary (Luke 10:40). Christ never once erred in how he used His time, but he was still criticized for it. We can’t expect anything less.
That is, if we pastors actually use our time the way he did.
So how exactly did Jesus invest His time and to whom? And what does it mean for us as pastors?
For one, Jesus spent time with whom he wanted to spend time with. He didn’t succumb to societal, cultural, or even familial expectations or the pressure to “save face.” He spent time with the people he desired to spend time with. These choices were not out of selfishness, but they were nevertheless out of desire. When he chose to spend his last meal before his death with his twelve disciples, he expressed, “I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer,” (Luke 22:15). Pastors, God has entrusted you (from a human level) with the prerogative as to who you spend your time with. And you must spend it with those who you wish to spend it with. Let not people’s expectations or opinions to dictate which people get the slots of your schedule.
But again, though Jesus spent time with those whom He desired to spend time with, he was also did so by conviction. Listen carefully to His words to Zaccheus in Luke 19:5: “Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house” (emphasis added). He knew exactly how the Father willed for Him to spend his time, and his food was to do the will of his Father (John 4:34). Jesus knew that his time on earth was to be given to seeking and saving lost sheep (Luke 19:10). When out of an entire crowd of people he spotted one who was ready and eager to hear him, Jesus was fully convinced in his own mind that this day would go to this man—even against the expectations of the everyone else (Luke 19:7).
Likewise, a pastor must have the internal clarity regarding who God wants him to spend his time with. There are many people who may want to spend time with you on a regular basis. And it’s good that they do. The only problem is: you can’t. For there to be depth of relationship, a pastor must be selective. He must not be snobbish, but he must be selective.
So we’re back to the vital question: With whom must the pastor be regularly giving his time outside of his family? As a pastor, on any given day, I can and will make time for a meeting with any member or family of the church. Almost every time a family has asked if they could have a meal with me, I have made the time. We are, after all, called to shepherd the entire flock. But the key word here is “regularly.” In other words, the pastor who tries to spend time with everybody will end up investing in nobody. Gleaning from Christ’s life leads to the following five principles.
1. Give your time to fellow leaders and to those who you are equipping for the ministry. Jesus had thousands of followers. But he walked around with the twelve apostles (Luke 6:13). He spent more time —concentrated time and informal time alike—with this select group of men than he did with anyone else. They were the ones—with the exception of Judas—whom he was purposefully equipping to carry out his ministry upon his departure from earth. It’s no surprise then to see the continuity of this in Paul’s instruction to Timothy to entrust what he learned to faithful men who would be able to carry out the same ministry of teaching to others (2 Timothy 2:2). Pastors, you must regularly invest your time into men who you are equipping to carry out the ministry of the Word. It’s not because they’re the elite members of the church. It’s because every saint in the church is valuable and you alone don’t have the capacity to care for them all. You need to be investing in men who will be able to carry the load of the ministry of the Word.
2. Give your time to those who you are mentoring most closely and those who truly desire to be mentored. Even within the twelve, there were the three—Jesus’ inner circle—who he spent even more intimate time with (Mark 5:37, 9:2, 14:33). It wasn’t because of their greatness (Luke 9:46, 22:24). Rather, what Christ demonstrated here is that when it comes to the deepest and most intimate relational investment, some will have to be closer to you than others—even among those who you are preparing for ministry. Such a pattern is seen throughout biblical history. Moses had Joshua. Elijah had Elisha. Paul had Timothy. If you’re doing discipleship correctly, there are always going to be two to three people who you will find yourself discipling the most deeply. This is nothing to be ashamed of. And such individuals must be those who truly desire your mentoring. You must, after all, not throw pearls to swine (Matthew 7:6). As a pastor, you exist not merely to provide comfort for people. You are a teacher—a discipler— and you must instruct people. Invest your time, then, with those who are hungriest for such instruction.
3. Give your time to young men. It must be noted that these disciples were not exactly elderly. John the apostle was likely around fifteen years of age when he was selected by Jesus as part of the twelve and the inner circle. The others likely weren’t much older. Similarly, Paul spent a lot of time with a young man named Timothy during his younger years (1 Timothy 4:12).
I’m not saying that a lead pastor must be a youth pastor (there’s a reason why we often have both in the church). Pastors are called to shepherd the whole flock of God and to be willing to meet with anyone of any demographic (see Acts 20:31). That said, different demographics have different needs. And truthfully, the demographic of the church whose needs require the most face-to-face, life-on-life interactions with their pastor are the young men. It’s no wonder that Paul instructed Titus to specifically be a visible presence and example to the young men in a way that was different from how he was to instruct the others in the church (Titus 2:6-8).
I recently had a conversation an elderly couple at our church with whom my wife and I had been trying to schedule a lunch appointment. Our schedules simply weren’t matching, and it had been over a month since we had initially tried to get together. But what they told me during our conversation was very helpful (I’m paraphrasing here): “I’m glad you want to spend time with us, and it will happen, but don’t pressure yourself to. Your sermons feed us. The depth with which you preach really shepherds us older people. But the younger people—they are the ones who need your time.” Since then, I’ve noticed that with many of the families at the church, the parents are yearning for my sermon content while also asking if I can spend quality time with their sons. And so I’ve learned to preach to the level of the older saints while giving a majority of my personal time to the younger saints.
4. Give your time to those who are truly seeking. Jesus knew that Zaccheus truly was desiring to see him and hear him teach. He also knew that Zaccheus wouldn’t let his vertical limitations get in the way of that! Jesus knew Zaccheus’ heart, and spent personal time in his home. And Zaccheus wasn’t the only tax collector or sinner who Jesus spent time with. In fact, Jesus was criticized for spending quality time (i.e. sharing meals) with such people (see Luke 5:30). Jesus wasn’t doing so because he was interested in their lifestyle. He did so to call them to repentance, and specifically ones like Zaccheus and Levi (also known as Matthew) who he knew were truly seeking him.
While all are equally sinners, not all sinners are equally desiring to hear Christ’s message of salvation. Some are insistent on living in their sin and refuse to repent. But there are some who, as Luke 15:1 describes, are making an effort to draw near to hear Christ’s gospel message. They are hungry for the truth that they know can set them free. Such individuals are ready to be ushered into the kingdom of God. And you, pastor, must give them your time. You are a fisher of men after all, are you not?
5. Give your time to those in crisis situations who are genuinely seeking your help. Observe our Savior went to Jairus’ house when his daughter was close to death (Luke 8:41). Watch how he spent time consoling and comforting both Mary and Martha when their brother died (John 11). People are all equally important, but not all circumstances are equally critical. As a pastor, there is discernment needed in recognizing which people are truly in a period of crisis and who truly need you to be there with them. After you’ve determined what need is most urgent, be there. Crisis situations can temporarily weaken the knees and cause those experiencing them to become faint-hearted. Whether it’s someone who was diagnosed with cancer, or someone whose spouse has left them (or is threatening to), or someone whose child has attempted suicide, or someone who is in the midst of domestic violence, pastors must recognize these situations and do the best he can to be present.
Pastors, your time is precious. Your time is wanted. Your time is watched. Your time is limited. At the end of the day, who you spend your time with is both up to you and also something of which you will give an account to Christ and Christ only. So use it the way he used his. Be purposeful and convicted as he was. May the Lord carry out his redemptive work through you as you do so.
