Editor’s Note: This article is a sequel to, “The Waves I Can’t Control: Questions About Discipleship I Can’t Answer.”
As I mentioned in a previous article, there are several vital elements of discipleship that are not in our control. Just as a surfer can’t control the presence or quality of the waves in the ocean—which are necessary for the surfing session to actually transpire—neither can a Christian mentor control a mentee’s initiative, spiritual desire, transparency. And yet, though much of what takes place is out of his control, a surfer’s main character asset in the ocean when surfing waves is self-control. He must have patience, purpose, and discernment in selecting which which waves to catch.
When he does catch the wave, he must buffet his body in a way that no other athlete is perhaps required to do. In other words, there is still a lot that he must take control of.
The same is true for the discipleship and mentoring endeavor. While there’s much that’s out of our control, there is a lot that is. In particular, we are in control of the principles with which we choose to carry out the discipleship endeavor. And those principles are found in Deuteronomy 6:6-7.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is the essence of God’s commandments and expectations for his people. Jesus himself teaches this in Matthew 22:37-38. To walk as a man or woman of God is equivalent to loving God with the entirety of his or her being. And yet, such a command was not only meant to be lived out, but also passed down. It was not only meant to be grasped, but given. And this is what discipleship is all about. Following the imperative to love God in the descriptive imperative to disciple those to love God. And in the latter are several principles of what you and I would now term as Christian discipleship.
Discipleship Must Be Personal
“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart,” God commands in verse 6. In other words, what you are passing down to those you disciple must already be things that you, at a heart level, have embraced.
Back when I taught Pre-Calculus in the classroom, the students would sometimes ask, “So what’s the point of this lesson?” to which I would quip, “I don’t know; I didn’t learn it myself until last week.” Other times, the students would groan, “I don’t like math,” to which I would respond, “It’s OK, neither do I.” Apparently, as a school teacher, loving math personally isn’t a prerequisite for teaching math effectively, as the high majority of my students ended up competent in Pre-Calculus.
But the same cannot be said for Christian discipleship. Before the instruction to teach others to love God in verse 7 is the instruction to have those commands engraved in the inner man in verse 6. In other words, the love of God must reside and remain in the heart of the one seeking to teach others to do the same. Only those who genuinely love God personally from a heart level can disciple others to do the same.
Discipleship Must be Intentional
“You shall teach them diligently…” God instructs in verse 7. Now, intentionality does not always imply formality. If anything, relational discipleship often reaches its deepest recesses in informal contexts.
But to “teach them diligently” implies more than friendship, affection, and the sharing of life (though not less than this). The Hebrew word for “teach diligently” literally means “to whet” or “to sharpen.” It carries the idea of incisive instruction. Picture the sharpening of any tool, and you’ll see intentionality and purpose. Observe a coach drilling his athlete in order to sharpen a particular skill, and you’ll witness intentionality and purpose.
That’s the picture used to describe the discipleship process. While it doesn’t imply rigidity of structure—some of the most successful discipleship relationships I’ve had in my own ministry were marked by a more fluid dynamic—it does mean that a mentor has a clear goal of what God is wants to be developed in the disciple. Everything the discipler does must be for the purpose of sharpening the love of God in the one he is mentoring.
Those who you are mentoring and discipling need to know that this is the goal you have in mind; they need to know that you are in their lives so that they can grow in their love for God with all of their lives. In other words, while loving them is a non-negotiable (cf 1 Corinthians 13:1-3), those you are mentoring need to know that you are more than there to love them; you are there to teach them to love God. If they don’t know that you’re there for that purpose, then what exactly are you doing?
Third, Discipleship Must be Generational
“You shall teach them diligently to your sons,” God exhorts in verse 7. To teach them to your “sons” does not restrict this discipleship to just the children in one’s household, in the same way that it is not restricted to male offspring. “Sons” was a term that encompassed the next generation. In other words, the next generation isn’t going to learn to love God from angels—they’re going to learn to do so from the generation before them.
There ought to be then an intergenerational dynamic in discipleship. That’s not to say that you can’t mentor people in your age group. That happens and should happen. At the same time, the means by which God builds and preserves his church throughout the generations is through inter-generational discipleship. The only way to fulfill the command to “teach them diligently to your sons” is for a generation that loves God to disciple those a generation after them to do the same.
Hence, discipleship must be generational. Let older people sacrificially open up their time for the younger and let the younger actively seek out time with the older.
Discipleship Must Be Relational
“You shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up,” God teaches in verse 7. In other words, discipleship and mentoring wasn’t designed to be carried our primarily in the church office or in a coffee shop once a week for forty-five minutes a week for eight weeks. The love of God was designed by God to be passed down from one person to another through the context of everyday life endeavors shared between mentor and student.
It happens when the younger believer is able to watch the more mature believer exhibit the love of God when he is moving about his daily activities and endeavors—when he is sitting and walking and rising up and lying down.
I hate to say it, but if you want anything other than a life-on-life method of discipleship, it won’t be effective. It may feel convenient and even efficient, but it won’t be effective. You may be able to pass theological knowledge down, but the imprinting of character happens when younger believers are given the opportunity to spend time with older believers in the context of everyday life.
So if you’re discipling someone, yes, you should meet up with them for coffee and discuss theological topics. But do more than that. Eat dinner with them. Work out with them. Go hiking or fishing with them. Go to the mall with them. Let them spend time with you and your family. If you both have remote work, do it together on occasion.
If you want to instruct someone to love God with all of their being and in all areas of life, then give them the opportunity to be with you in all the different facets of life. Discipleship in its truest and purest form was meant to be carried out in the context of very real, life-on-life relationships.
The call to disciple is no small suggestion. It is a mandated commission from the King of kings himself. Jesus Christ has died, risen, and ascended. Every day that passes by brings us a day closer to His return. Until then, through the power of the Holy Spirit, He has commanded us to disciple others. And He has not left us without instruction. Personal, intentional, generational, and relational discipleship is the big-picture method of discipleship that God Himself has designed. So go forth and apply these principles…and watch how God will transform lives in the process.
