Two years ago, my sweet daughter was born into the world, pooping all over mommy as she came out of the womb. What a memorable day! My wife and I are expecting a son any day now, and look forward to the joys and messes that will bring. Here are some reflections on being a new father.
Children are a Delight
I love seeing my daughter in the day-to-day rhythms of life around the home. She loves finding her favorite spot on our laps to read a book, or asking “tickle, feet” for some laughter at the end of the day. Her pitter-patter on the floor to greet me after work warms my heart, as do her hugs given with a smile. She requests “song” on our car rides and practices dancing around the home. All these are a delight as we see a little child made in the image of God learn to enjoy the world that God has made.
Every fall, freshmen arrive on a school campus, bringing new energy to the scene. In a similar way, our daughter has brought a zest for life to our home. In the midst of a busy day, I just want to eat a quick meal and move on. But she eats her food with gusto, savoring every bite. Her favorite is “gurt gurt!” (yogurt, as you may have guessed) and she has perfected the technique of scooping it up and flipping the spoon upside down right as it lands in her mouth, so she can lick it all off. What an idea. She reminds me that God has given us good gifts to enjoy (1 Tim 4:4) and to “go, eat your bread with joy” (Eccl 9:7). Having her around has helped us slow down to enjoy time together, whether on trips to the park or an afternoon playing with toys.
Love Takes Sacrifice
The family is a training ground for sacrificial love, filled with opportunities to serve one another. The first few weeks after birth were at once strikingly memorable and nebulously hazy. For the first time, our daughter was learning to work for her own nutrition. Meanwhile, my wife was recovering from the pains of delivery. We caught sleep in short intervals, punctuated by the baby’s cries for mommy’s milk. My wife sacrificed her own energy to nourish a baby who was utterly dependent on her for sustenance. Diaper daddy could only do so much! I am amazed by how my wife cared for a little child while recovering herself.
Physical trials became spiritual trials. Faced with prolonged sleep deprivation from the never-ending newborn feeding cycle, we fell into sinful speech and attitudes against one another, and needed to constantly remind ourselves to put on the armor of God and have our minds renewed by his Word (Eph 6:10-11; Rom 12:1-2).
In God’s mercy, through this and other seasons of tiredness, illness, physical injury, and physical weakness, he always provided the strength for one of us to lift up the other when they were down, or to give a gentle answer that turns away wrath (Eccl 4:9-12; Prov 15:1). We learned to cultivate a heart of gratitude toward one another and toward God. I’ve learned this attitude cannot be taken for granted and must be maintained vigilantly (1 Cor 10:12). When we work together as husband and wife and give thanks to God in all circumstances (1 Thess 5:18), God is pleased and our family is blessed (cf Ps 133:1).
Husbands are Called to Lead
Parents have been entrusted by God with a stewardship responsibility to raise their children. Husbands are called to lead in this responsibility. Proverbs 10:1, Solomon’s opening proverb, calls me to take this responsibility seriously: “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.” Just as being a father heightens the delight I have in my children, so it will heighten my sorrow if they go astray.
I want to see my children standing mature in Christ (Eph 4:13; Col 4:12). Many of my daughter’s behaviors are delightful now as a two-year-old; it’s so sweet when she climbs into my lap and places a book in my hand. But she is not to remain a child forever. Eventually the children of this generation will be the adults raising the next.
God expects parents to declare his truths and ways to their children (Deut 6:6-8; Ps 78:5-6). I have been blessed to have received that baton from my parents, and now it’s my turn to be faithful. I aim to set the daily rhythms of my family so that our thoughts and desires are shaped according to the Lord’s, that we would be ever praising God, declaring his greatness, and seeking his strength (Ps 105:1-4). Thankfully, the Scriptures are an all-sufficient resource for parents to instruct their children. At this stage, our daughter calls every large book a “Bah-buhl!” and enjoys finding every “sheep” and “baby” in her own storybook Bible. We hope she will come to understand and treasure the words of God as she grows up.
Lead by Example
However, mere instruction without action would be hypocrisy, signaling to my children that it’s good enough to “approve what is excellent” yet deny God by my deeds (Titus 1:16; Rom 2:17-24). As the husband, I must set an example for my family of a life of integrity. I look to Jesus as the perfect example, who always did what was pleasing to the Father (John 13:15; John 8:29). I must walk in love and put to death what is earthly in me, repenting when I sin (Eph 5:1-2, 8-10; Col 3:5; 1 John 1:9). Only then can I say with a clear conscience, as Paul did, “imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor 11:1).
Children don’t need to be taught to imitate. Our two-year-old likes to clean the floor, walk in our shoes, and pretend to make phone calls. Guess where she got that from? This provides a double incentive for me to put sin to death: for my own sake and for hers. Unbelievers also clean up their lives for the sake of their children. But only believers have the right target to aim at (Christlikeness) and the resources to walk in the truth (regeneration and the indwelling Spirit) (Phil 3:12; Rom 8:5-11).
God is the Perfect Father
As my stewardship responsibilities increase, I feel an ever-increasing temptation to minimize time with God in the Word and prayer. To give in would be foolish and disastrous. I must actually put a higher premium on knowing God and growing in wisdom, not only for my own sake, but also for my family’s (cf Prov 10:21; Prov 2:4-5). They are always looking to my leadership in decisions, priorities, and day-to-day shaping of our thinking. In God’s wisdom, the very psalm that declares “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord” also reminds us, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” (Ps 127).
I sometimes feel inadequate as a father. But I am comforted by Jesus’ words to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9). Praise God that my children’s salvation and maturity does not ultimately depend on me. Paul uses the analogy of a plant’s physical growth to illustrate the spiritual growth of the Corinthian church (1 Cor 3:6). I witnessed a similar concept in our daughter’s physical development: we planted (the seed) and watered (lots of milk and string cheese), but God gave the growth (Who brought her baby teeth in? Not I!). So I pray that as we seek to be faithful parents, God will bring spiritual growth to give my children a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. I am limited: in energy – when she calls in the middle of the night. In vision – to anticipate what she needs. In love – when I scold her in selfish anger. But God sees and does what’s best. He never grows weary (Isa 40:28-31). I hope that through me my children will be introduced to a heavenly Father who is infinitely greater than I am.
